We’re back! As Gandalf once said, “A wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.” This is a line you’ve probably tried in bed. Now that we’ve made sure that you’re not a complete dumpster fire in the kitchen, let’s move on to something a little more complex. Do a bit of bro-gress, if you will.
The starter course is to food, what foreplay is to bumping uglies. (Fight me.) Sure, some bros may like to skip over the starter and dive right into the main, finishing fast and hard, while leaving their dinner partner annoyed and uncomfortable. But this isn’t about that. And if you are just like that, stop, no one likes “that guy.” This is about making the best starter course you can with the little bro-ficiency you have.
If you don’t have these lying around, consider borrowing or even buying your own.
- A large pot. No, not that pot! The one your mom cooks soups and stews in.
- Chopping board and knife
- A blender. Blenders, they’re not just for making cocktails!
- Another large pot or a large bowl.
- A lot of nice bowls to serve the soup and dressing in (we’re making a salad next).
A course so simple someone sabaw can make it. You can turn any canned vegetable into a restaurant-worthy soup with the help of stale bread and cream. While you may be tempted to go for the cheapest canned veg, let us remind you that you’re here to impress, so put that can of corn down and grab a 390 g. can of Capri Red Pimientos (roughly around P121), a 400 g. can of Molina Diced Tomato (about P50), an onion, garlic (you’ll only need one clove), dried bayleaf, chicken stock cubes (because you won’t have enough time to make your own stock from scratch), 250 ml. of cream (Nestlé goes for about P47 per 250 g.), and a liter of milk (Cowhead goes for about P78 a liter). The only other things you’ll need are salt and pepper, things you should have in your pantry by now.
So what does a fledgling “Brotager” do with these ingredients? Easy! Rip the cans open with your bare hands and chuck the contents into a pot (yes, the water in the cans is safe to eat). Take two bay leaves, a chicken stock cube, an onion (cut into quarters), tear open the milk and cream, and dump those into the pot, too. Lastly, take four to five slices of bread, tear them into smaller bits, and add them to your pot of soup.
Bring the whole thing to a boil before fishing out the bay leaves and seasoning with salt and pepper. Now, whip out your blender and ladle soup into it. You’ll want to do this part gingerly, filling only a fifth of the blender at a time so that you don’t get a hot soup facial. In the words of the great Zohan, “I have seen this, I have done this, you don’t want this…” You only need to blitz the soup for 15 seconds before dumping it into a clean bowl or pot. Once you’ve hit the last batch, add a single clove of garlic to give the soup a nice kick. Bring the soup back up to a boil, and as soon as the first bubbles start to form on top, take it out of the fire, it’s ready to serve.
Ladle soup into your nicest bowls, filling them up two-thirds of the way up (remember, this is the starter course, you don’t want your guests filling up before you’ve had the chance to show off your stuff) and sprinkling the top with store-bought croutons.
Pogi points: This soup is a Cream of Capsicum soup, capsicum is a fancier way of saying “pepper,” and what goes great with peppers? Nachos! Swap out the croutons for toasted corn tortillas (grab a box of hard taco shells and crush ‘em, just like your hopes and dreams) to make it look like you have even the slightest trace of culture.
Bro tip: You can make batches of these ahead of time since they keep well in the freezer. Ladle portions out into microwave-safe containers and let them cool uncovered at room temp before freezing.