Winner winner chicken dinner… unlike what you and your pleb friends strive for in PlebG, what we’re going to do here actually involves chicken and dinner. And by chicken, we mean the animal, not what Biff Tannen calls Marty McFly.
We’re making chicken because of two things: because it’s cheap, and because it’s cheap. Look, we’re not going to mince words. If this is the first time you’re stepping back in the kitchen, chances are, you suck—like, suck hard. As hard as those pumps that vacuum crap out of airplanes. But I digress.
Chicken is as versatile as you claim your moves in bed are, only this is really versatile, and all you do is flop around like fugu on Morimoto’s chopping block. Chicken can be paired with anything and goes well with almost any sauce you throw at it, which is important, since you’re pressed for time and options. (Basically the same reasons your girlfriend settled for you.) We’re going to see if we can make a bro-tisseur out of you, yet.
Mommy’s gonna be missing quite a few things in her kitchen due to your antics, not that those are anything new.
- Knife and cutting board
- Stainless steel tongs
- Oven or electric oven
- Rice cooker
- Two small sauce pots
- A small frying pan
- A peeler
- Kitchen scissors/shears
We’re going to bring your rice game up a notch by adding four pandan leaves into your usual pot of rice. All you have to do is bruise the leaves and add them to your rice and water and flick the switch. Once the rice is cooked, pull the leaves out before serving. We’re doing easy starch and veg to make sure that you can focus on the meat.
Pogi points: You can add a few lemongrass leaves and a single star anise pod to the mix to make it more fragrant.
Peel and slice up three carrots into discs, throw them into a sauce pot with a tablespoon of butter, a pinch of dried thyme, salt, crushed black pepper, two peeled garlic cloves, and fill the pot with chicken stock (we’re using water and a chicken stock cube for this) until it just about covers the carrots. Let this simmer on a low heat until the carrots become tender on the outside, but firm on the inside. Fish the carrots out and place them on a nice serving bowl.
Pogi points: There should be leftover liquid, so simmer that down until only about half the liquid is left, add a teaspoon of butter, whisk, then drizzle the sauce over the cooked carrots.
First things first, let the chicken thaw out and reach room temperature. Cooking cold meat is the perfect way to guarantee dry and hard meat, and ain’t nobody got time for that. Cut the chicken’s spine out using your kitchen shears so that the body flattens out. Doing this will allow you to cook the chicken faster and more evenly.
Drizzle the chicken with a bit of oil before rubbing the seasoning on it. (We’re sure you’re used to rubbing meat, just make sure that you don’t overdo it, or you’ll tear the chicken skin). Season with salt, Italian seasoning, dried paprika, black pepper.
Melt a stick of butter in a frying pan and add a dash of normal cooking oil (palm, coconut, soybean, canola, etc.) Adding plain old cooking oil will help raise the smoke point of your butter, so you can sear your chicken with higher heat without it looking like you invited Snoop Dogg over. More importantly, so that your house doesn’t turn into an Usher song. Once a tiny bit of white smoke starts to come off your melted butter, gently lower the chicken in, skin-side down (do this gently so that you don’t get a butter facial) and sear for 15 minutes or until the skin turns golden brown. Flip the chicken over and sear the bone-side for 5-10 minutes. Take the chicken out of the fire and let it rest for 15 minutes on an oven tray (your electric oven/toaster oven’s tray) before popping it in the oven and cooking it at 140°C for 30 minutes. Once the chicken is done, let it rest for 10 minutes before cutting it into quarters.
Bro tip: You can also “reverse-sear” your chicken by cooking it “low and slow” in the oven at 100°C for an hour, letting it rest for 15 minutes, then searing it in butter until the skin gets nice and brown.
Pogi points: You can make gravy out of the drippings in the pan you cooked your chook in. All you’ll need is to make a roux in a small saucepan (about 20 g. each, flour and butter). Add the drippings along with two cups of water, a chicken stock cube, and a teaspoon of Knorr liquid seasoning. If the gravy is too thick, add milk until it loosens up to your desired consistency. If it’s too loose, mix equal parts cornstarch and milk in a cup and slowly add bits of it into the gravy until it thickens.
With the savory courses done, it’s time for you to clean that kitchen up and prepare yourself for dessert.